Please review my IELTS essay

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views.

MY ESSAY:

Recently, zoos have aroused two contrasting statements of opinion. Some people think that caging animals is not acceptable while others think keeping animals confers certain entertainment on humanity and plays imperative ecological roles. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views according to personal, biological and economical perspectives.

On the one hand, it is argued that confining animals to limited areas could exert adverse impact on animals’ physical mental health, simultaneously prevent species from remaining biodiversity. According to some research, keeping animals can lead to animals’ loss of particular survival skills such as foraging, and also cause the increase of illnesses in animals. Take gorilla as an example, more and more gorillas in North Africa have suffered from heart disease attributed to living in captivity. Besides, animals cannot diversify their race when they live in captivity; they need to tramp nature to find their mates.

On the other hand, there is a conviction that zoos bring significant vantage influences on professional scrutiny, better conservation, entertainment and education. Firstly, keeping zoos in cages, scientists have the ability to easily process their research, which helps humanity find out different information about animals. Secondly, some vulnerable species need to be protected so as not to become extinct; for instance, some rare kinds of monkeys are kept in zoos. Lastly, zoos are ideal places where visitors and children could have more generally realistic views about animals instead of solely seeing pictures or videos.

In conclusion, caging animals might have values as it protects vulnerable species from becoming extinct; nonetheless, it is still irrational for robust creatures, who should have been left freely in the wild, to be limited in movements and areas.

_____________________

Kindly review it and I would really appreciate if you give me my band score for this essay. Your advice will help me a lot. Thank you so much.