Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

In the modern world, how to improve community health is always a problem concerned by numerous people. Some believe that providing more sports centers or health clubs would be the most effective method to solve this issue. However, I would argue that other measures would be better.

On the one hand, people's health has been greatly enhanced thanks to participation in sports facilities. It is undeniable that the popularity of gyms classes or clubs gives people more chances to improve their levels of health. A good example of this is that various citizens intend to join yoga classes after working all day, which is one of the best remedies for them to keep fit and even let their hair down.

On the other hand, I would argue that increasing the provision of sports amenities would have little impact on public health, while there may be better ways to tackling this problem. A lot of people have paid for an annual gym membership in one year but they do not have enough time to go entirely and just give up. Therefore, I think it is more necessary to educate residents about basic health awareness. A child, for example, is equipped with sufficient basic knowledge about the adverse effects of obesity, would do more exercise. As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food products, tobacco, and alcohol to reduce the demand.

By way of conclusion, it seems to me that increasing the provision of sports amenities brought a wide range of benefits for people. But above all, each individual in our community has a sense of the importance of a healthy lifestyle to protect themselves from dangerous diseases by doing more exercise every day.

Thanks a lot!