Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

In the modern world, interpersonal skills play a significant role in the child's development apart from academic knowledge such as maths and science. It is believed that unpaid social activities should be involved in compulsory part of high school programs. I agree with this idea because of various benefits.

First, unpaid public works have brought numerous necessary social skills including communication, time management, and teamwork for high school students. For example, taking part in voluntary works in their local can create a golden chance for students to encounter and work with different types of people from a wide range of backgrounds from the wide society. Students will be learned a lot of hands-on experiences from each other. Therefore, it can also help them develop both physically and mentally.

Second, by giving them compulsory work activities with charitable or community organizations, they will be encouraged to do something more creative. Skills gained through compulsory work will not only develop interpersonal skills but also increase the opportunities when you want to apply for university or work. A good example of this is that many prestigious universities require a nice CV with extracurricular activities to be accepted. In addition to this, real-life experience gained from these jobs will provide them favorable conditions to deal with problems that not be taught in high school. Especially, they will gain more respect towards money and work simply because they realize that it is not easy to make ends meet

In conclusion, it seems to me that unpaid community services should be applied in the high school programmes because of their great benefits.