Please review my IELTS essay

Some people say that outdoor activities bring benefits to children’s development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

It is said that engaging in outdoor recreation is more beneficial for the development of children than playing computer games. I totally agree with that view and also believe that children should spend more time outdoors rather than indoors gaming.

On the one hand, to a certain extent, playing computer games would negatively impact on children’s physical health. In particular, most of games require players extended hours to sit in front of a computer screen, preventing them from doing exercises. Moreover, children are likely to consume more fast food when they are gaming. As a result, they might be at a higher risk of obesity. Another health problem is eyestrain, resulted from focusing their eyes on computer screen for long periods. That would, in the long run, ultimately lead to dryness of eyes and nearsightedness as well.

On the other hand, outdoor recreation helps children enhance their overall well-being. Firstly, playing outdoors provide opportunities to get exposed to sunlight. Moderate exposure to the sun should be more encouraged because it stimulates bone growth, as well as happier feeling. Another good effect is that children might acquire new skills when engaging in recreation in nature. For example, playing soccer in a team give them good chances to make new friends at first and learn how to collaborate with others to kick the goal then. In other words, their communication and team-work skills might be significantly improved.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents should encourage their offspring to take part in physical activities outdoors instead of keeping eyes glued on computer screen playing games.