Please review my IELTS essay

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Thanks to the improvement in health care and living standards, people’s life expectancy has been noticeably enhanced. It is said that nowadays, with longer life expectancy, people’s retirement age should be increased considerably. In my opinion, later retirement age can be physically and mentally harmful for workers; however, it helps reduce the financial burden that the government has to bear.

On the one hand, working beyond the retirement age may affect businesses’ productivity and workers’ health. It is obvious that after a period of time contributing to the industrialization and development of the country, every employee deserves a happy and relaxing life at old age. Forcing them to work when their concentration and flexibility are not in good condition is considered cruel as it increases the chances of accidents at work. Moreover, the older the workers are, the weaker and slower they become. Consequently, their performance at work can be seriously influenced. In addition, employing old-age staff prevents young graduates from getting promotions at work, which may result in a rising unemployment rate.

On the other hand, if the mandatory retirement age is maintained, the authority’s budget may be negatively affected. In other words, the advancement in longevity means the time that the workers receive pension is longer. Take the example of my neighbor who stopped working as soon as he turned 60 but was granted allowance until he reached 101. This apparently makes the country’s economy suffer. For this reason, senior employees should contribute to the country's development as much as they can. Not only does this improve their living standard, entertain, but it can also ease the burden on society as a whole.

In conclusion, although increasing the retirement age may pose threats to individuals’ benefits, it helps curb the financial problems that the country is facing.