Please review my Ielts essay.

Question: Writing task 2 In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy.

What are the causes?

What can be done to address this situation?

Answer:

Never have mental disorders, namely depression, and anxiety, ever been such a pervasive and alarming issue as they are now. As contradictory as it may seem, the younger generations, having lead wealthier, healthier, and longer lives than that of the formers, reportedly suffer from worse mental well-being. While higher cost of living and unrealistic expectations from social media are chief reasons attributing to this phenomenon, operable measures can be taken to ameliorate the situation.

Firstly, young people have been contending with immense stress from the modern lifestyle. As the economy grows, commodities and services consequently become more costly. As a result, to make ends meet and maintain a certain living standard, young people have to work long hours and overtime, exceeding themselves physically and mentally. Another reason why the young’s mental health has been declining is the noxious expectations indoctrinated by social media. The uncontrollable rise of social media popularizes an unrealistic and fallacious prototype of the so-called perfect body. Young boys and girls growing up believing that their bodies are not conventionally attractive can have lower self-esteem and more insecurities.

To be able to adjust such illnesses, schools and governments should collaborate to take prompt actions. Educators should normalize speaking up about mental illnesses and provide comprehensive education on the matters. Students should not be shamed or made feel guilty for having mental illnesses. On the other hand, governments should subsidize young people financially by providing college funds and securing better job prospects. The young who are attending colleges or are seeking opportunities should have the rights to receive financial and emotional support from society.

In conclusion, although there has been a dramatic rise in mental illnesses in the young, viable measures can still be taken to adjust the situation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you in advance for helping me correcting this essay. Much appreciated.