Please review my IELTS essay

Question

The chart gives information about the merit of a number of diverse export products in 2015 and 2016. The table illustrates the change of proportion in every product of export in comparison of 2016 and 2015.

Overall, it is clear that the values of petroleum and engineered products were greatest in both 2015 and 2015, while other products only peaked at under 50 billion. These figures were transformed into percent given by the table.

Looking at the chart and the table more closely, one can see that there was a slighter increase in petroleum products value, about 3 billion, compared to the engineered goods, this figure in proportion to 5,5% difference, however, both categories reached over 60 billion in 2016. Besides, while the value of gems and jewelry decreased about 5,18% equally to 4 billion, the textiles went up markedly about 15,24% and peaked at over 30 billion. The agricultural products remain almost constant in both 2015 and 2016, with around 30 billion

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Sorry, your image is impossible to make out. It is out of focus and very small. So I cannot give you much feedback. There are many misused words and phrases in the first paragraph; I have highlighted them in yellow below. But I cannot see the image well enough to suggest better ones.

There are no peaks at all. You can only have peaks in line graphs and time series

There are no peaks at all. You can only have peaks in line graphs and time series bar charts with 10 or more data points. Read my "vocabulary" advice for the usage of the word "peak."

The chart gives information about the merit of a number of diverse export products in 2015 and 2016. The table illustrates the change of proportion in every product of export in comparison of 2016 and 2015.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. Make the necessary corrections to your essay and post the revised version.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The chart (What kind of chart is this? Is it a pie chart, an organization chart, an eye chart, or another kind of chart?) gives information about (That is very vague an uninformative. What is exactly on this chart?) the merit (That is completely the wrong word. "Merits" are advantages or positive aspects. These cannot be plotted.) of a number of (How many? be specific.) diverse export products in 2015 and 2016. The table illustrates (wrong word) the change of proportion (Incorrect phrase. There are no proportions in this table.) in every product of export (That is not a good phrase.) in comparison of 2016 and 2015.

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ the values of petroleum and engineered products were greatest in both 2015 and 2015, (That does not make sense.) while other products only peaked (There are no peaks on this bar chart. Read my advice about peaks.) at under 50 billion. (What are the units? ) These figures were transformed into percent and put in ~~given by~~ the table. (This sentence should be in the first paragraph.)

~~Looking at the chart and the table more closely,~~ (Unnecessary words. This tells the reader nothing about the data.) one can see that there was a smaller ~~slighter~~ increase in petroleum products value, about 3 billion, compared to the engineered goods, this figure in proportion to (I do not understand this) 5,5% difference, (comma splice error) however, both ~~categories~~ reached over 60 billion in 2016. Besides, while the value of gems and jewelry decreased about 5,18% equally to 4 billion, the textiles went up markedly about 15,24% and peaked (wrong word. There are no peaks.) at over 30 billion. The agricultural products remain almost constant in both 2015 and 2016, ~~with~~ around 30 billion (missing punctuation)

Please read my advice. You have made all the common mistakes.

Example essay (~185 words)

In paragraph #1 describe the figure. Do not write about the data. Tell the reader what is plotted, the units, the kind of figures and the categories.

In paragraph #2, write about two or three features that you have selected as the most important. (That is the instruction "Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.")

In paragraph #3 write about some interesting details and give some comparisons. (That is the instruction "make comparisons where relevant.)

It is very very important to follow the instructions.
It is very very important to report the data precisely and accurately.

The bar chart compares the amounts of money earned by one country from the exports of five different categories of products in two years, 2015 and 2016. The categories are: petroleum products, engineered goods, textiles, agricultural products and gems and jewellery. The percentage change for each category between the two years was computed and put in the accompanying table.

Overall, this country has much more income from petroleum products and engineered goods than the other three categories. The earnings increased for four of the five categories between 2015 and 2016, with textiles having the greatest percentage increase.

In detail, the highest earning category is petroleum products, with earnings of over $60 billion. In second place is engineered goods, and, since it increased by 8.5%, its export value nearly equaled petroleum products in 2016 at $61 billion. The only category with a decline was gems and jewellery; it was about $43 billion in 2015 and $40 billion in 2016. The least valuable export was textiles, $25 billion in 2015; however it increased more than 15% to about $32 the following year.

Please review my IELTS essay

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions