Please review my IELTS essay
The three maps depict West Park Secondary School as it was in 1950, in 1980, and in 2010, and the many changes that occurred during these 60 years.
Overall, the school expanded, and a car park was constructed and enlarged. The recreational areas, nonetheless, first increased in size and were then narrowed.
In 1950, the school was in the east of the map, and rows of houses in the west. Behind the houses was the farmland, and the playground was right behind the school.
Thirty years later, rows of houses and the farmland were demolished to make way for a car park, a science block (at the previous location of the houses), and a sports field that had been the farmland. The playground remained unaltered, but the school enlarged.
In 2010, both the science block and the school remained unchanged. The most notable changes concerned the car park and the sports field; that is, the car park covered the whole sports field, and this field decreased in size by about two thirds. As a result, the playground was narrowed to provide room for the sports field.
Top answer
You have too many paragraphs, so the essay is quite choppy with poor transitions. Demolish means to tear down. Land cannot be demolished.
- You have too many paragraphs, so the essay is quite choppy with poor transitions.
- Demolish means to tear down.
- Land cannot be demolished.
- Buildings can be erected on empty land.
- Land can be rezoned or reclassified (a legal action) for a different use.
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You have too many paragraphs, so the essay is quite choppy with poor transitions.
Demolish means to tear down. Land cannot be demolished.
Buildings can be erected on empty land.
Land can be rezoned or reclassified (a legal action) for a different use.
Vacant land can be used for parking. Vacant land can be paved over to create a car park.
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