Please review my IELTS essay

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is believed that people can live longer and have more life expectancy is the result of improved medical care. In my opinion, this development brings more advantageous than disadvantageous to people.

On the one hand, there are some disadvantages of this development. First, the government have to spend a lot of money. They have to upgrade the infrastructure and new equipment to improve medical quality . Also we have to pay more money to educate more doctors and nurses due to the fact that the elderly are more susceptible to the disease than young people . So the result of disadvantage is rasing taxes, it brings more pressure to social and young people who is working. Secondly, people are living longer and raising life expectancy is the reason why population is older. Aging population bring demerits to business because we don’t have good qualified labor resource. Nowaday, in many countries have aging population such as Canada, they have immigrant policy to improve the econimic recession in their country. Unfortunately, the native peope is inferior in number because of the import of foreigners.

However, improved medical care given above can be considered from the opposite angle. The elder can enjoy their life. When people were young, they needed more time to concentrate on their work. So when they retire, they will travel everywhere they would like or they can participate in unpaid work such as volunteer. These activities make them happier. And at that time, the elder have more time for their family which they missed in the past. They can teach soft skills for their children and give them some valuable experience. In addition, the elder can support their children when they are baby without parents. For example, in Viet Nam culture, young people usually imply their parents who in reteirement age, to look after their children.

To conclude, I am convinced that developed medical care is have more advantageous than disdvantageous to increase life expectancy and people can living longer.