Please review my IELTS essay

Message body: Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extend do you agree or disagree

My essay:

According to popular belief, everyone should pursue their education until they make it to adulthood. Although staying at school until adulthood can produce a number of benefits, I personally disagree with this idea for a number of reasons, which will be outlined in this essay.

On the one hand, the idea that children should continue to study at school until the age of 18 does have a number of benefits. First of all, if people stay at school until they reach their maturity, not only will they acquire theoretical knowledge but they are also equipped with more experience, therefore, they will make more judicious decisions on their future career path. Moreover, forcing students to study until 18 will create a more cultured generation, which will help reduce some social ills as well as unemployment rate.

On the other hand, there are also a number of drawbacks that this idea may bring with it. For instance, many students nowadays do not fit-in with the current education system, as a consequence, the problems caused by forcing them to study can be of great seriousness. Furthermore, it will be a waste of money to force students to stay at school if they are not receptive to new knowledge. In addition to this, many jobs that children choose to follow require more practical-based learning, thus it is quite unnecessary to remain at school until the age of 18.

In conclusion, although it cannot be denied that remaining at school until a later age will have certain positive effects on students, I am under the impression that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits mentioned above.