Please review my IELTS essay

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is a common belief that the start-up is good for students while they are in college. However, there is a more persuasive argument that it is better for students if they focus on only studying because doing business and studying at the same time will be ineffective.

On the one hand, experiences which students get while creating business can be helpful to them in studying in college. In a totally different environment, students can learn many soft skills that are difficult to pick up when studying at college. In addition, they will gain more knowledge and valuable experiences apart from the university curriculum. Therefore, students can improve comprehensively about many aspects of themselves. For example, by contacting customers, students can cultivate not only the ability to communicate but also a professional way of working.

On the other hand, doing business and studying at the same time can affect negatively students. First of all, it is not productive in studying and working. This is because business needs a great amount of time to focus on, besides, lessons in college are really huge for students to study, thus, spending time between studying and working will be imbalanced and inefficient. Therefore, students will not do well in both of these things. Consequently, many people fail in doing business and studying, and that may lead them to stress and tension.

To sum up, while there are some advantages to do business when students are still studying at college. It is evident that the drawbacks and difficulties of doing both business and study are many for students to cope with.