Please review my IELTS essay

Task 2 (vietnamese ielts 1/2/2020)

Topic: People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

You should write at least 250 words.

No sensible person would deny the ubiquity of sugary beverages nowadays, especially among the young. In my view, the fame of this sweet type of drink stems from the fast-food industry, and the government should join hands with takeaway companies to find feasible resolutions to this problem.

To embark upon, sugar-based beverages have risen to fame thanks to the processed food industry. Indeed, the preparation of these drinks often involves mixing a certain amount of sugar with a variety of other liquids and ingredients to create such beverages as bubble tea, milkshake, or matcha. This straightforward process, coupled the with low cost of sugar, enables fast-food restaurants like KFC or Jollibee to churn out various sugary drinks without compromising much of their profits. Thus, the popularity of them is promoted among people frequenting fast-food chains, namely students or teenagers. According to research conducted in Vietnam, 90% of students admitted knowing about these products through takeaways, suggesting the significance of these chains to sugar-based drinks.

With the above in mind, governments and involved companies need united efforts to combat this issue. First, the government should raise the price of sugar used in the food industry to prevent overconsumption of it. This can be effective as people may have to take into consideration the amount of money they spend on sweet drinks. Second, fast food chains, including Starbucks or KFC, can restrict the amount of this sweet ingredient they put into their drinks. To illustrate, if KFC previously put two or three tablespoons of sugar in a cup of bubble tea, now they need to reduce to one teaspoon. Finally, it is time the government provided citizens with courses about the harm of sugar along with methods to build a balanced diet without matcha or energy milk. By conducting these measures, maybe the current situation of high sugar consumption can be partly tackled.

In sum, sweetened drinks owe their prevalence to the processed food industry; hence, the companies in this sector must resolve this problem hand in hand with the government.