Please review my IELTS essay!!
The bar chart shows the percentage of young people in higher education in 2000, 2005 and 2010.
My essay:
The chart compares the percentage of young people in 4 different countries named A, B, C and D who joined in higher education in three years: 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, there was a higher proportion of youngsters attending higher courses in country D compared to other countries in 3 years. Furthermore, more people were in higher education in 2010 than 10 years ago, except in country B.
Country B had the least percentage of people going to higher study work in three years period, at 40% in the first and last recorded years and about 39% in 2005. Moreover, in country C, there was a slight increase in the first 5 years, from 50% to nearly 52%, but this trend stopped in 2010 to be the same as in 2005.
On the other hand, the other two countries saw a linear growth in the proportion of young people in higher education from 2000 to 2010. Although country A has the lowest percentage of the youth in 2000, it rose up gradually by 10% per 5 years to have about 58% at last. Similarly, the percentage of the young participating in higher courses in country D increased suddenly from 60% to 80% after 10 years.
Top answer
You are trying to use many synonyms, and it is not successful. On Task 1, it is not as important to use synonyms as to be accurate and precise in describing the information. Avoid repetition by using pronouns or other ways of phrasing.
- You are trying to use many synonyms, and it is not successful.
- On Task 1, it is not as important to use synonyms as to be accurate and precise in describing the information.
- Avoid repetition by using pronouns or other ways of phrasing.
- Once you tell the reader the subject of the information, you don't need to keep repeating it.
- ) chart compares the percentage of young people in four 4 different countries named A, B, C and D who were enrolled joined in higher education in three years: 2000, 2005 and 2010.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
You are trying to use many synonyms, and it is not successful. On Task 1, it is not as important to use synonyms as to be accurate and precise in describing the information. Avoid repetition by using pronouns or other ways of phrasing. Once you tell the reader the subject of the information, you don't need to keep repeating it.
The (What kind of chart?) chart compares
0
Related Questions