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Topic: The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.The provided vertical bar chart delineates the five different pursuits that Australian children, between 5 and 14, prefer to do in their spare time.Overall, the percentage of boys dominant the counterpart in most of activities, excepting  for the art and craft. Another visible trend is that both girls and boy prefer sedentary activities such as watching TV or videos to the others.To commence with, apparently, among both genders, watching TV or videos equal propotion of children is that 100%. The second popular activity is the electronic or computer games, which is much more prefered by boys than girls with 80% and 60% respectively. The similar pattern can be observed in bike riding category, with the figures for boys and their counterpart are roughly 78% and under 60% consecultively. Surprisingly, a little under two- fifth of 5-to-14-year-old boys participate in skateboarding or rollerblanding, which is double than the percentage of girls. On the contrary, in term of the art and craft, around 60% of girls’Australia enjoy to ease their mind, while approximately one in third as boys are attracted compared to  the former.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The ~~provided~~ vertical bar chart delineates (not a good word choice) the five different pursuits that Australian children, (no commas) between 5 and 14, prefer to do in their spare time. (Incomplete, What are these activities?)

Overall, the percentage of boys is higher than that of girls ~~dominant~~ (wrong word. This is a noun, not a verb) the counterpart (wrong expression, not a good word choice) in most of activities, (wrong expression) except ~~excepting~~ for ~~the~~ art and craft. Another ~~visible~~ trend is that both girls and boy (one boy?) prefer sedentary activities such as watching TV or videos to the others.

~~To commence with~~ (You do not need such phrases in Task 1.) , ~~apparently~~, (Apparently suggests that you do not trust this information. Do not use this word in Task 1 essays. You must describe the figure accurately.) among both genders, watching TV or videos equal propotion of children is that 100%. (That is very poor English. Just say: All the children watch TV or videos. ) The second most popular activity is the electronic or computer games, which is much more prefered by boys than girls with 80% and 60% respectively. The similar pattern can be observed in bike riding ~~category~~, with the figures (wrong word) for boys and their counterpart are roughly 78% and under 60% consecultively. (wrong word, wrong spelling) , Surprisingly, a little under two- fifth (wrong punctuation, wrong spelling) of 5-to-14-year-old boys participate in skateboarding or rollerblanding, which is double ~~than the percentage~~ that of the girls. On the contrary, in term (wrong form,) of the art and craft, around 60% of girls’Australia (wrong expression,) enjoy to ease their mind, while approximately one in third (wrong word,) as boys are attracted compared to the former. (wrong expression).

Example:

The bar chart compares the degree of participation (by percentage) of Australian boys and girls aged 5 to 14 in five different leisure activities. The data is from one year, 2010, and the activities are skateboarding, bicycling, watching TV, playing electronic games and art and craft.

Overall, all the children watched TV or videos in their spare time, but they also did the others to some degree. Boys participated at a higher level in three of the five activities, including the two that involved outdoor physical exercise: skateboarding and bike riding.

In particular, the second favorite pursuit for girls was playing electronic games, but there was only a minor difference of 2-3 percent with those in third place, a virtual tie between art and craft and bike riding. About six in ten girls participated in these three activities. The least popular for girls was skateboarding and rollerblading.

For the boys, a clear majority, 80% percent, played electronic or computer games, or 33% more than girls at 60%. That was marginally higher than their third choice, bike riding which about three-quarters did. A minority of the boys did art and craft (about 36%) and rode skateboards or rollerblades, (just under 40%)

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