Please review my IELTS essay

Topic:

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

Some individuals consider that the best way to deal with the problem in their life gets to accept a bad situation such as a disappointing job or deficiency in wealth. Conversely, there are some people who think that it is better to strive and enhance such situations.

The poor always strive to overcome their current condition in order to have a better life, their children can travel anywhere they want,… Unfortunately, they do not have the ability to expense their needs as well as their children’s desire even electricity and water bills because of the poor knowledge, the lack of a degree, not even graduated high school. Thus, they also can not seek job prospects and opportunities. It is meaning that they tolerate the existing job and condition.

On the other hand, people in developed and developing countries must put the most effort into their work due to the increasing growth of the economy whole of the world. If they do not have effort and skills in their work, they will get the sack to change another employee better. Hence, to survival in the existing workplace require employee must hard work, improve skills, knowledge,… to guarantee to pay for rent, gas bill, electricity bills, and the cost of living,… Therefore, successful people and the rich believe that the worth of effort will help yourself break through obstacles in life.

In conclusion, getting a miserable situation or shortage of money also overwhelmed by yours. “Accept” to get motivation, strive for the condition in this life is better and can help the poor, the handicap, and the community.