Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Some people say that History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

In recent years, whether history or natural science subjects plays a more pivotal role in academic as well as social environment has been a source of controversy. While others hold the belief that Science-based or technology-based subjects are far weightier than the benefits of history, I am convinced that history remains its special position as one of the most significant school subjects.

On the one hand, it is hard to deny that Science and Technology have certain advantages over history, making many advocates suppose that these subjects should be paid more attention to. Firstly, thanks to the advance of Science and Technology, the world has witnessed the considerable improvements in a variety of fields such as healthcare, finance and education. From the financial perspective, with the aid of scientific and technological findings, the appearance of the fiscal industry has changed substantially. Bitcoin, a kind of crypto currency coined with the complex computer system, has proven to help investors earn a huge sum of money. Also, having a grasp of subjects related to science and technology has been considered to be more likely to get offered a well-paid job in the future. Take IT engineers or software developers as prime examples. In the job market today, multiple enterprises are willing to offer them with a high rate of pay.

On the other hand, I am firmly of the opinion that history poses more important impacts on students. Apparently, having a mastery of history may provide learners with a deeper insight and a broader view of the way the world and its everything work. From historical view, many aspects of all fields such as currency, meditation or Media can be interpreted thoroughly and fully. For instance, it can be easier for an amateur comprehend money’s functions through its long-lasting journey in the past. More importantly, studying history encourages school boys and school girls nourish their love for their own country. This can be seen in patriotic stories or predecessors’ legends integrated into lessons in the textbooks or mass media. Learning history, therefore, is regarded as one of the most effective ways to educate children at early ages.

As indicated above, although Science and Technology possess irrefutable advantages, I am inclined to believe that history is one of the subjects that should be prioritised.