Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

My task:

It is often argued by the public that favoured pastimes and interests are dissimilar when people grow up and they reflect latest trends and prevailing tastes in lieu of indicating activities which people's heart desire to do at their leisure. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly concur with this statement.

First, it goes without saying that people of different generations have almost nothing in common ranging from their attitude to their hobbies. A generation ago, it was easily to capture a scene of a group of children playing 'Mandarin square capturing' or 'chanting while sawing wood'. However, these folk games have died out until now and having a chance to see children playing them is rare. Instead, teenagers nowadays are often engrossed in electronic games which are very detrimental to their overall well-being. And it can be anticipated that in the not so distant future, virtual reality games will be the most prevalent form of entertainment.

Second, rather than engaging in activities for which people yearn, they do something that is the most trendy. It is because unless they have the same pursuit as others, they will be called freaks. Consider a group of ten boys in which there are 9 out of 10 boys having a penchant for playing sports. As a result, the only exception in this group have to learn how to play sports or he may be deemed to have a weak personality.

In conclusion, over a period of time popular pursuits are bound to be altered by others. Nevertheless, they still demonstrate more general movements than show what people want to do in their free time.