Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?

My task:

The ambition to beat the opponents or to set new world records used to be a strong motivator for the athletes. By contrast, present-day sportsmen are highly likely to be driven by cash prize and the chance to have a high profile. It can be deduced that the sportsmanship of people is being distorted by money and this phenomenon may have a debilitating effect on the sports themselves.

In the contemporary world, money plays a pivotal role in people's daily lives. And it goes without saying that prize money is more appealing than the others. Besides, the desire to be in the limelight is also the main athletes' aim to partake in the competitions. Due to this fact, a number of negative trends are existing. It is not difficult to grasp the reason why a footballer deliberately score a goal for the opposing team or a sporting champion decides to branch out into working for an advertising agency. It is because they have an insatiable craving for money and fame. Therefore, young people should avoid a decadent lifestyle and endeavour to return the sports price it used to have.

Coupled with these negative phenomena, there are various undesirable effects on the sports. The most serious threat would be that the number of people who used to have a massive explosion of interest in sports programmes is declining dramatically since they are not so authentic as they used to be. Take Bui Tien Dung, a Vietnamese public icon, as an instance. He became known to the public when he was competing in the 2018 AFC-U23 Championship owing to his talent. At that time, whenever his team entered a competition, the Vietnamese supported for them enthusiastically. However after that he usually paid attention to advertising and ignored football. As a consequence, the enthusiasm of the public waned.

In conclusion, these aforementioned phenomena affect the sports badly and teenagers should lead a money-disoriented lifestyle and try to get rid of these negative trends.