Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age, for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent fo you agree or disagree?

It is said that increasing the minimum legal age is the most effective to reduce road unsafety. While I agree that this solution is beneficial in the short term, I believe that a longer term and the better way to deal with those problems is to impose stricter punishments for driving offenses.

Raising the driving age is the most effective method to ensure road traffic safety. This is because there are many people who are too immature to drive cars or motorbikes and a large number of traffic accidents are still caused by these these circumstances. The main reason is that young people are not mature enough to fully understand the serious consequences of their actions or take responsibility for what they caused. Improving driving age, therefore, can make sure that improve awareness of people who join in traffic in order to protect their live and others live when driving.

In my opinion, however, this approach is useful in limited extent, due to the fact that many youngsters drives without driving license so a more suitable way to advance those problem is imposing severe punishments for committing driving offenses. For example, a heavier fine should be impose for running a red light or stricter regulations are given for serious offenses. These punishments could deter potential offenders and prevent them for re-offending.

In conclusion, imposing a fine or severe regulations is better than raising the driving age.