Please review my IELTS essay
Topic: In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My essay:
It is believed that these days, thanks to various advances and breakthrough in science and technology, people have not used animal for foods, clothing and drugs yet. I completely agree with this idea.
First of all, we can use a plant - based diet instead of meat from animal. Many research showed that foods originating from plants are not only provide sufficient nutrient for people but also prevent us from potential health issue such as diabetes, obesity or high - blood pressure. Besides, many people who have never used products from animal still function normally. Take vegans as an example. According to recent WHO's survey showed that vegans live longer than normal people 0.5 time because they combine between fresh diet and doing exercise regularly. In term of clothing, we can replace animal by artificial fur or high - quality syntheses fabric. It is more colorful, cheap and diversity to choose.
Secondly, it is an indisputable fact that many wealth of medical advances thank to the help of animal research. However, in the high - tech edge, people can use more and more non - animal alternative methods to test medicine before giving to human, especially using computer models. Conducting research in sophisticated computer programs is more accurate and faster. For example, scientists diagnose cancer by computer models and then give patients their results and the way of cancer treatments very quick.
In conclusion, using animal such as products for eating, wearing or producing medicine is no longer necessities due to the fact that they can be replaced by vegetarian food, artificial clothing and computer science.
Top answer
Ðu´c Trâ`n First of all, we can use a plant - based diet a plant and fungus-based diet. Vegetarians and vegans also eat fungus, including yeast extract. Ðu´c Trâ`n meat from animal .
- Ðu´c Trâ`n First of all, we can use a plant - based diet a plant and fungus-based diet.
- Vegetarians and vegans also eat fungus, including yeast extract.
- Ðu´c Trâ`n meat from animal .
- It goes without saying that meat is from animals so, delete the second and third words.
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Ðu´c Trâ`nFirst of all, we can use a plant - based diet
a plant and fungus-based diet. Vegetarians and vegans also eat fungus, including yeast extract.
Ðu´c Trâ`nmeatfrom animal.
It goes without saying that meat is from animals so, delete the second and third words.
0Ðu´c Trâ`n, You really need to study how to use plural forms of nouns properly. That is very very basic English. You also need to study articles.
Since you have so many errors in this essay, I strongly recommend that your write it again and correct as many mistakes as possible. I gave you a lot of comments in the first paragraphs, but then just highlighted the problem areas.
Do
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