Please Review My IELTS Essay

Topic: Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

There are various perspectives on the question of whether or not the best learners or ones who have their own development should be granted. From my point of view, both groups should be equally taken into consideration.

On the one hand, I believe that the learners who have the best curricular results should be rewarded due to some reasons. First, the awards create positive incentives for students. In other words, being granted, they might find it proud of their attempts over the industrious time, not to mention the fact that they will keep setting and accomplishing further goals day by day. Second, these rewards are the foundation for their plans in years to come. To illustrate, some have their own dreams to study abroad; thus, these best accomplishments and rewards can lead to a competitive advantage for scholarships, research projects.

On the other hand, it is also my belief that schools had better also grant the learners having their own significant enhancements. First of all, those awards enable these students who have a thirst for knowledge to pursue their dreams. Learners from dysfunctional families are the case in point, they do not have conditions to study including the support of technological gadgets or private tutors; thus, the rewards endow them with financial support to purchase their must-have items for learning, for example. In addition, this type of support provides equity between students. In fact, the learners showing improvements would feel more confident if their efforts were recognized by their teacher. Therefore, their extreme behavior such as aggressive, hostility could not be given free rein to develop.

Considering the aforementioned ideas, both views seem to have their own rationale to a certain extent. I strongly advocate that the benefits of both sides should not be overlooked.