Please Review My IELTS Essay

Topic: Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

The idea that best learners or students having their own achievement should be granted remains a source of controversy. From my point of view, both types of student had better be equally taken into consideration.

On the one hand, I believe that the learners who have the best curricular results should be rewarded for some reasons. First, the awards create the positive incentives for students. In other words, being granted, they find it proud of their attempts over the industrious time of the year, not to mention the fact that they will keep setting and accomplishing higher goals day by day. Second, these rewards are the foundation for their plans in in years to come. To illustrate, some have own dreams to study abroad; thus, their best accomplishments and rewards are the leading advantage for competitions such as scholarships, research projects. As a result, they would have the all-round development in terms of academy, social skills or so to serve the country afterwards.

On the other hand, it is also my belief that schools had better also grant the learners having their own significant enhancements. Initially, those awards enable these students who have a thirst for knowledge to pursue their dreams. Learners from dysfunctional families is the case in point, they do not have conditions to study such as the support of technological gadgets or private tutors; thus, the gifts endow them with financial support to purchase their must-have items for learning. In addition, this type of support provides the equity between students, In fact, the learners showing improvements would feel that their efforts in studying is justified if they were concerned by the school. Therefore, their extreme behavior, such as aggressive, hostility could not be given free rein to develop regarding inequity.

Considering the aforementioned ideas, both views seem to have their own rationale to a certain extent. I strongly advocate that the benefits of both sides should not be overlooked.