Please review my IELTS ESSAY

Topic: Some people believe that time spent on electronic games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

On the one hand, there are people who argue that children can benefit greatly from gaming. The prime reason for this is that intelligence of each child can be considerably improved by playing computer games. Specifically, kids often have to complete missions in which each game requires them to upper higher levels. In order to meet the requirements, children must have several skills such as logical thinking, problem-solving, and analytical skills. Another bright side that virtual games would bring is that they can foster children’s computer literacy. At first, adolescents have to master basic knowledge regarding computers and techniques to play online games. An outstanding illustration is that whenever kids want to download games into their computers so that they can play offline, they have to learn how to install by searching instructions; thus, it is undeniable that they can foster their skills and experience when it comes to computers.

On the other hand, I am totally convinced with the view against electronic games exposure of children. It is argued that many young players’ excessive gaming could detrimentally influence their study. Only by spending a large amount of time playing games do children easily get distraction when attending classes at school. In many cases, some students quit classes to go to the online games net as they no longer have any passion about studying, leading to the uncontrollable drop about their learning results. Moreover, spending a long time on virtual games may also results in demerits for children’s health. In particular, this can be evidenced by a large number of children are not well-developed in terms of physics as they are more likely to encounter short-sightedness, obesity, insomnia, as well as spine-related diseases owing to overly playing small screen. When it comes to mental development, it is noticeable that gamers regularly isolated themselves from other people. The virtually live by gaming and hardly participate in outdoor activities, probably causing depression and autism. Therefore, taking serious risk when spending excessively time on gaming is inevitable.

In conclusion, although gamers can take advantage of electronic games in terms of developing intelligence and computer literacy, I still hold a belief that the downsides relating to study and health of virtual games can outweigh the advantages.