Please review my ielts essay

Topic: Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a growing concern that more and more adolescents and children are keeping up with lavish things without financial condition leads to the fact that some of them are in debt. Thus, it is totally agreed that financial condition ought to be mandatory component of the school program so as to teach them about money management.

As can be known, finance is relevant to subsistence fee. It's crucial that children must be taught the administration of money at the early age. Teachers at school must teach them how to utilize money appropriately. Firstly, they need to be taught to be aware of the balance between the money that they own and the money that they consume. For instance, they have 20 dollars but they spend it on buying shoes which is more than 20 dollars. So if they want to pay for it ,they have to lend someone money. But if can't manage the money to pay back, they will be in trouble. That is called the shortage of knowledge about money administration. Secondly, students need to be taught to spend money on necessary things or their hobbies but teacher should advise them not to waste money of detrimental things like: narcotics, gambles, etc. Besides, teachers ought to emphasize the valuable of money so that student can have their plans of spending money properly.

However, finance is extensive field which is devoted to students who are specialized in finance and banking in university. So teachers at junior high school or secondary school, primary school just teach them fundamental lessons and utilize videos , illustrative images so that students can easily understand.

In conclusion, it is crucial that children should have knowledge of finance so that they are able to cope with financial problems in their practical life.