Please review my IELTS essay

Question

The bar chart illustrates information on the gender distribution of students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

Overall, it's clear that science-ralated subjects are male-dominated ; however, women have a significant presence in fields related to Medicine and the life sciences.

In five of the six disciplines, males outnumbered females. Male students made up a particularly large proportion of the student group in subjects related to the study of inanimate objects and materials hysics, Astronomy and Geology. The gender gap was particularly large in the field of Physics, where there were five times as many male students as female students.

Men and women were more equally represented in subjects related to the study of living things: Biology ,Medicine and Veterinary Medicine. In Biology, there were nearly as many women ( approximately 200) as men (about 240). This was also true of Medicine . Veterinary Medicine was the only discipline in which women outnumbered men (roughly 110 women vs 90 men).

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you post a picture of the chart please?

Click on:
- Add comment
- Attach images
- Choose Files (upload the image)
- Add to post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Also, we have given you feedback on your previous essays, but not once have you thanked us or acknowledged the comments. Did you learn anything? Are we wasting our time by reviewing your work?

Rosy1501 · Answer

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart illustrates (wrong verb. Illustrate means to make a picture. This is good for maps and drawings, but not for charts and graphs.) information (be specific. "Information" is a very general word. What is plotted?) on the gender distribution of students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines (which disciplines? Your first paragraph is too vague.) at a UK university in 2009.

Overall, ~~it's clear that~~ (Those word do not describe the data. Focus on the data. Besides, word like "clear, apparent, obvious, and notable" are your opinion words. Do not write opinions in Task 1. ) science-ralated subjects are male-dominated; however, women have a significant presence in fields related to Medicine and the life sciences.

These are more "mathematical" general observations.

There are 60% more men than women in these disciplines, 1090 men compared to 670 women.
The most popular field for male students was Biology with 225. This was followed by Physics and Medicine, with 200 and 220 students respectively. On the other hand, only the most popular among the women was Biology, with 200.

In five of the six disciplines, males outnumbered females. Male students made up a particularly large proportion of the student group in subjects related to the study of inanimate objects and materials Physics, Astronomy and Geology. The gender gap was particularly large in the field of Physics, where there were five times as many male students as female students.

Men and women were more equally represented in subjects related to the study of living things: Biology ,Medicine and Veterinary Medicine. In Biology, there were nearly as many women ( approximately 200) as men (about 240). This was also true of Medicine . Veterinary Medicine was the only discipline in which women outnumbered men (roughly 110 women vs 90 men).

Teechr · Answer

The bar chart ~~illustrates~~ provides information on the gender distribution of students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

Overall, ^(*)~~it's~~ it is clear that science-related subjects are male-dominated. However, women have a significant presence in fields related to medicine and the life sciences.

In five of the six disciplines, males outnumbered females. Male students made up a particularly large proportion of ~~the student group~~ those doing research in subjects related to the study of earth sciences ~~inanimate objects and materials Emotion: stick out tongue~~s, namely: physics, astronomy and geology. The gender gap was particularly large in the field of physics, where there were five times as many male students as female students.

Men and women were more equally represented in subjects related to the study of living things: biology, medicine and veterinary medicine. In Biology, there were nearly as many women (approximately 200) as men (about 240). This was also true of for medicine. Veterinary medicine was the only discipline in which women outnumbered men (roughly 110 women vs 90 men).

-----------------------------------------

* Do not use contractions in formal writing.

[ cross-posted]

Anonymous · Answer

Your article is too good and informative. I am searching for IELTS and I get exact article i am thankful to you for sharing this educational article . and the way you written is also good, you covered up all the points which i searching for & I am impressed by reading this article. Keep writing and sharing educational article like this which can help us to grow our knowledge. [ link to commercial site removed by moderator]

Please review my IELTS essay

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions