Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Prison is the most common way in most countries to solve problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide with a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

Curbing crimes is one of the most important tasks in every countries. While there is a school of thoughts who believe that imprisonment is the best way to rid society of crime, I personally believe that improving the education is a better way.

On the one hand, there are those who are in favor of mass detention. The first reason is that incarceration increases the level of safety in the society. When wrongdoers are incarcerated, they have no chance to pose a threat to innocent people. Thus, imprisonment helps individuals feel more secure. Another justification is incarceration may act as a deterrent to potential offenders. They should understand negative effects that illegal acts have, and they may forfeit their freedom once they are arrested.

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that better education can decrease the number of crimes. The first reason to justify it is education gives people chances to get a job. When people go to school, they have knowledge and qualifications, which gives them a head start to secure a decent job. As a result, they do not need to commit crime in order to earn living. The second reason is that apart from knowledge, students also learn moral lessons at school. These lessons teach them to obey rules, which blends in when they grow up. Another reason is school is a miniature society, as students have chances to deal with problems confronted by other people. As a consequence, they tend to be calm when handling with issues as adults.

In conclusion, despite reasons given to justify that incarceration is the best way to prevent crimes, I personally argue that the improvement in education is more effective.