Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

My essay:

Health, education and economy are three mains factors that have a tremendous effect on any country. The development of nations would conversely influence the inhabitant's life. Unfortunately, poor countries are dealing with the problems involving the lack of education, unemployment, starvation, and the health care system. In contrast, the rapid development of industrialized countries happens to increase the gap between poor and rich nations. Consequently, it is the source of crisis and furthermore, leading to the scenario of world war. Hence, from my perspective view, I think wealthy countries should take responsibility to assist poor countries to create a peaceful world.

In the world, money plays an important role to determine the existence of a country. Nobody can argue that they can live in the present society without money. Because money is blood and a great tool for the development of nations. Government use money to invest in agriculture to gain food, built infrastructure to form health and commerce systems. Unfortunately, the problem of poor countries is the lack of finance to invest in their development. Some reports showed that poorer nations are always buried in debts result in unbalanced finance, failed health care facilities and un-constructed education systems. It accidentally affects rich countries by the migration of citizens of poor countries and it rooted in negative effect by crises. Hence, industrialized countries need an act to cope with this issue by subsidizing food, money and especially, the knowledge of how to get away from vicious situation.

Besides, the aid from wealthy countries should be limited to a certain degree by considering the potential capacity of those poor nations. It is an aptly said, 'giving a fish to a man, you can feed him for a day but teaching him how to catch fish, you can feed him for lifetime'. It is not only tangible aid but also intangible assist by enhancing the knowledge of the current government. For example, annually, G8 sent a lot of doctors, nurses equipped with drugs to Africa, where AIDS is occurring, to help this country reduce and control the disease.

In conclusion, wealth countries play an indispensable role in the general development of the world through the aids to brake the vicious cycle from poverty and dead, bringing a better life in the world.