Please review my ielts essay

Prompt: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is thought that scientists, researchers, academics should make their research works in public to a feasible extent. In my opinion, while I agree with this, I also believe that these data need checking carefully before being available.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why I think sharing scientific studies, business and academic information is appreciated. First, it brings many benefits not only for society but also for individuals. For instance, if new research and inventions are regularly shared, updated and taught in universities as well as colleges, it will enable students to put their knowledge revenue to spend in the key field, including education, environment, and health care, which leads to an improvement in the quality of life of the whole community. Second, if contributing research works for the public, the sharers are able to gain a reputation and attract more funds for their projects.
On the other hand, there have several extremely virtual data which should not open to all people. It is clear that sensitive information like the method of making nuclear bomb needs being restricted. If not, it will make global disasters. Another example is that if too many information about customs, market research, the business strategy of a company is public, it will make huge damage to the profits of this company.
In conclusion, communication should be accessible to scientific research, business and academic ones in a suitable way.