Please review my IELTS essay

TOPIC: It is sometimes argued whether parents must have a responsibility for the way they teach their children to become good people of society. While some people think that is the problem of school. Although the second opinion is supported by many people, from my own people perspective, the other one makes more sense.

My Essay

First and foremost, a convincing reason for parents should teach children is that family is the best family foundation. Children should be taught by their family when they were young because of it very important to build the behavior of children. For example, when children drink or eat something outside, they know that they need to put the trash and do not throw it away. Another angle can be seen in the fact that because parents always have a responsibility to teach their children. Parents can teach children from their love and they can feel this love. For instance, from parents' love, they can understand why parents want they become good people in society.

On the other hand, people with a contrasting viewpoint argued that responsibility belongs to the school. Firstly, school and family are the difference place for children to be taught. For example, at primary school children will be met many students, and they communicate with people from whole variety. Probably, to those who are against school should teach children, there is some truth in the idea that the experience of communicating with people will make them co-operate with each other and contribute they the way to connect with people of society.

In conclusion, both their parents and school should help children to become active and good people of society