Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

My essay:

There is a difference in opinions as to whether students should live independently away from their parents while studying at college. Although many people agree with this, my view is that it depends on cultural background of the students.

It is very common for students to live far away from family at the early ages in Western – based culture. Especially, when they reach the age of 18, almost all youngsters choose to earn a living on their own. While many students decide to go on higher education and work their way through university, others earn money or gain valuable experience through part-time and full-time jobs. I believe that this practice is closely related to their further development and future success.

However, in many Asian countries such as Vietnam, where traditional values play an integral part in the lives of young people, I think the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. First, as most Vietnamese universities are located in the main cities such as Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh, students have to move to these cities to enroll in universities. As a result, family members have less chance to get together and share with each other. Youngsters can only visit their parents on some special occasions such as Tet holiday or Independent Day, etc. Moreover, when students do not work or study under parents’ supervision, some can fall behind with their study or drop out of college. Because they have little experience and living skills, they might easily fall prey for scams while pursuing tertiary education. I consider living away from home not only leads to the unfortunate disappearance of the country’s long-standing value, but it also cause a lot of serious accidents.

In conclusion, I argue that it is better for youngsters to live outside home while they are studying at university, although it has some negative impacts as well. In other words, it depends on where the students come from.

Thank you so much!