Please review my IELTS essay

Topic: With the rapid advancement of cummunication technology, eg smart phones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

There has been a difference of opinions regarding whether the widespread introduction of cutting-edge communication devices these days brings about more drawbacks than benefits. Personally, I completely agree with the view that the disadvantages of those technological equipments might be more significant than the advantages.

On the one hand, communication technology has effectively changed the way people interact with each other and share information. First, thanks to a lot of leading-edge devices such as smart phones, tablets and so on, we now can easily keep in touch with friends or relatives who are half the world away. As long as they can access the internet, those devices might help them to make long-distance video calls or video conferences which enable people to feel as if they were having real interact. Second, communication technology results in the popularity of social networks, which facilitate human’s transmission of information. Through Facebook, Twitter, Link In, etc., people can share what their friends and families are doing, as well as keep up with other social activities happening around them. Besides, one video or story can go viral on the internet very quickly due to such a huge amount of network users.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of technological devices should be also considered. First of all, many advances in technology have discouraged real interaction among people. Face-to-face meetings seem to be superseded by text messaging or video calls, therefore, people do not tend to be interested in outdoor activities anymore. As a result, many youngsters do not have chance to develop their soft skills, such as speaking and problem solving skills. The second downside of modern communication devices is that there have been so many people who are over-reliant on those things. It will be very dangerous if they do not refrain from using appealing applications and games. In other words, people who are too engrossed in their games might cause many unfortunate accidents. Third, devices such as smart phones and tablets provide criminals with chances to make online scams. As a consequence, there a lot of device users have fell victim to those incidents and lose a large amount of money.

In conclusion, I argue that although the advances in communication technology create many values, the drawbacks of them still eclipse the benefits.