Please review my essay. Thank you so much

Question

I'm having a test next month. Please help meTask 2: Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?A lot of college students stay at home, while some go to another city to study university. While there are some obvious merits related to both choices, there are also eclipsed by the drawbacks,Living with families during college is bound to advantages and disadvantages in a number of different ways. On the one hand, in an economic term, this option spares students from incurring astronomic costs which are taken up by monthly rent and transportation. That way, college students have a chance to set aside a small amount of money so that they can invest in buying school supply or additional fees emerged during the semester. On the other hand, university students are deprived of the opportunity to enroll in the preferable majors which might not be offered by hometown university. Chances are this would demotivate students to study and have a lack of interest in learning in university later on.Despite the decision of entering schools far from home benefits to students, it is not without pitfalls. University students who have to leave their family and go to the hall of residence are independent than their counterparts at home. Living with new roommates and learn how to manage the financial budget, in all probability, help them to be mature in decision-making and horn interpersonal skills. In contrast, the weather condition in the new place where college-bound studies that might lead them to illness if they have yet to acclimatize with it. Those out-of-town students enter the university in Hue which has a harsh climate with these two dry and wet seasons are prone to respiratory diseases.In conclusion, although each of these aforementioned situations produces several positive outcomes, the followed glaring shortcomings can not be denied.

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Overall, your English is strong. My criticisms would be as follows: you use complex sentences and words when simpler constructions and words would be more effective. Also, you need to watch your countable nouns. I will highlight a few problem areas for you to work on.

Because this is YOUR test,

Because this is YOUR test, I won't provide more guidance on this question. I have given you some items to think about.

As mentioned, your English is strong. With a little more work, I am sure you will manage just fine. I also suggest checking with a classmate. You can read his or her essay, and he or she can read yours. Help spot errors in each other's work.

A lot of college students stay at home, while some go to another city to study university. While there are some obvious merits related to both choices, there are ~~also eclipsed by the~~ drawbacks, (Period or comma to end a sentence? Also, it feels good to delete words, doesn't it?)
Living with families during college is bound to (have?) advantages and disadvantages (in a number of different ways--redundant?). On the one hand, in an economic term (singular or plural?), this option spares students from incurring astronomic (is this superlative necessary? Is it astronomical? Astronomic is correct, though astronomical is more common https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/astronomic ) costs, ~~which are taken up by~~ such as monthly rent and transportation. That way, college students have ~~a chance~~ (an opportunity) to set aside a small amount of money so that they can ~~invest in~~ buy~~ing~~ school supply (plural?) or pay unexpected ~~additional~~ fees ~~emerged~~ during the semester. On the other hand, university students are deprived of the opportunity to enroll in their preferred~~able~~ majors that ~~which~~ might not be offered by their hometown university. Chances are this would demotivate students to study and have a lack of interest in learning in university later on.
~~Despite~~ the decision of entering schools far from home ~~benefits to students, it is not without~~ has its pitfalls. University students who must ~~have to~~ leave their family (plural?) and go to the hall of residence are independent than their counterparts at home. (This prior sentence needs work. But you seem to be suggesting a positive. That is, students who leave are more independent. If true, then why is this sentence in this paragraph?) Living with new roommates and learn (parallel structure: living and learning?) how to manage (think parallel structure) the financial budget, in all probability, help them to be mature in decision-making and horn interpersonal skills. (this prior sentence needs work. You need to make sure that it is coherent.) (should this new stuff about weather be in a new paragraph?) In contrast, the weather condition in the new place where college-bound studies that might lead them to illness if they have yet to acclimatize to ~~with~~ it (it's usually acclimate + to or in this case acclimatize + to. You can check a dictionary. http://www.learnersdictionary.com/definition/acclimatize ). Those out-of-town students who enter the university in Hue are prone to respiratory diseases because ~~which~~ it has a harsh climate with these two dry and wet seasons ~~are prone to respiratory diseases~~.
In conclusion, although each of these aforementioned (does this prior big word add any value?) situations produces several positive outcomes, the followed glaring shortcomings can not (cannot) be denied.

Please review my essay. Thank you so much

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