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전정국 Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my essay. Thank you.

Topic: Today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Essay:

In recent decades, the human has endlessly made an effort to improve living standard with a wide range of technological advancements. Despite these great achievements, many people believe that the burden fall on the young these days is more than ever before. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement.

First of all, the competition youngsters have to face these days is far more than in the past centuries. The parents, therefore, want their offsprings to excel in every field so that they can have better opportunities for having the best job or gaining a seat in the top schools. Besides academic subjects, a student in the 4.0 era also have to express their dynamism and creativity; therefore, they often have to attend various extra courses such as drawing, singing, instrumental classes after school time. Today’s children not only live for themselves but they also have to make the name for their parents and family. Parents often forced children to do things that they have little enthusiasm for, which can affect the comprehensive development and restrict the fullest potential of them.

Secondly, due to overpopulation and scarcity of land, children have limited playing spaces. The amusement parks are always crowded and the roads are dangerous, so the young can only stay at home, kill time watching TV or playing video games. But these activities have bad effects on children as well. Youngsters can easily become addicted to games online or get access to black websites that are rife on the Internet. Cyber violence is also a concern because it can cause psychological damage to children. As a result, their mental and physical healths are badly affected.

To conclude, the pressure on children is overwhelming the opportunities that our modern society brings about. And to solve this problem, I think that parents should get more understanding of their children and let them do what they love.

  

Top answer

In recent decades, the human (This means one particular person, as distinguished from one animal. ) has endlessly made an effort to improve living standard with a wide range of technological advancements . (That is off-topic.

  • In recent decades, the human (This means one particular person, as distinguished from one animal.
  • ) has endlessly made an effort to improve living standard with a wide range of technological advancements .
  • (That is off-topic.
  • ) Despite these great achievements, many people believe that the burden fall on the young these days is more than ever before .
  • (Ungrammatical sentence structure.
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1 Answers
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In recent decades, the human (This means one particular person, as distinguished from one animal. Which one are you talking about?) has endlessly made an effort to improve living standard with a wide range of technological advancements. (That is off-topic. You must open your essay with a sen

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