Please review my essay task 2. thank you so much

Many people say that we now live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that this is improving our lives.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed that the consumer culture attached great significance of material goods and wealth is the norm in contemporary society. Other, myself included, argue that it plays an important role in evaluating the high quality of life.

On the one hand, the negative impact of a number of people today embraces the consumerism. First, when people focus too much on making money in no time, which leads to a lack of bonding times with their family members. Given that businessmen have thirst for making living in their business and no more time left for family gatherings, in all probability, the family breakdown would suffer. Second, The traditional values might be lost these days because of the throw-away society and overconsumption. The overexploitation of natural resources comes at the expense of the surrounding environment, their rising industrial activities inevitably means further environmental degradation.

On the other hand, It seems to me that the merits of consumer culture would bring wealth to a nation. The increase in purchasing power is an incentive for the development of businesses and thus contribute to national tax revenues. The states would have additional funds in order to reinvest into education and healthcare benefit to citizens. Furthermore, manufacturing entails a large number of labors who meet the growing the requirements of products. Chances are this help people could have the means to support themselves and their families, hence lower the unemployment rate in the country.

Inconclusion, I strongly believe that people gain more than lose from consumer culture.