Please review my essay. It is required about 800 word.

I'm writing about peer pressure in Japan. Please review my essay. Thank you!

"Put yourself in an environment with a lot of talented people, the pressure will make you successful". That's a quote from one of my favorite authors. She used to cry a lot when she first arrived at Stanford University because of the pressure from her brilliant friends but this pressure gave her the motivation to be strong and excel. Currently she is a computer scientist and a writer with many best-selling books on Artificial Intelligence and self-help.

In a certain sense peer pressure, “the pressure that you feel to behave in a certain way because your friends or people in your group expect it” (Cambridge Dictionary), will be the driving force for us to become a better version, helping us to be more successful. However, not everyone can face peer pressure in a positive way. Peer pressure can also cause many horrid consequences such as not being able to refuse overtime, not being able to express an own opinion in a meeting, and even death.

A story that was broadcast on NHK on August 5, 2021, still haunts me to this day. "Hayato wouldn't be dead" is a painful saying of a father. Hayato, his son died at the age of 20 at the university drinking party in 2007. The cause of his death was acute alcohol poisoning. It was a farewell party for senior members of his university club. Hayato was peer pressure into beer and vodka. No matter how many apologies his teammates in that club sent to Hayato, he couldn't come back to life.

According to results from a 2019 Shirabee survey on peer pressure, more than 30% of those surveyed between the ages of 10 and 69 responded that they had felt peer pressure. And this rate is more than 47% in the age group of 10.

Why do so many people feel peer pressure in Japan? There are 2 main reasons for that. The first is due to the influence of parents' upbringing. Benesse Corporation conducted a survey in 2010, when asking mothers with children aged 3 to 6 years old in Tokyo, Taipei, Soul, Shanghai, Beijing about what they expect from their children, the results showed that, more than 70% of mothers in Tokyo want their children not to disturb others and cherish friends. While this rate in other cities is less than 25%. Children in Japan are taught not to disturb others, to maintain good relationships with people around them. Consequently, it becomes even harder for them to escape peer pressure when they grow up. Like Hayato, he couldn't refuse the invitations for drinks because didn’t want to ruin the mood of other members. That's because he had 20 drinks and was gone forever.

The second reason is the "kukiwoyomu" culture. "kukiwoyomu" is ability to understand the nuances of other people's thoughts and actions. When a person has no sense of kukiwoyomu and does not follow the collective opinion, they may be criticized and isolated from the group. So, pressure to conform to the majority opinion be greater. According to the assessment from the website Hofstede Insights, Japan's Individualism score is only 46 while the US's score is 91. This score shows that in Japan society harmony of groups is put above the expression of individual opinions. Therefore, the affection of peer pressure will be more and more serious.

So, how to deal with peer pressure? The first thing is to learn how to say "No". When you say "yes" and do something reluctantly and don't do it with 100% of your energy, it's like you are mistreating yourself and losing your worth in the eyes of others when the results you produce are not good. Instead, just say "yes" to the things you really want to do and do your best. The fact is that it is not easy to refuse someone something, especially in Japanese society. But communication courses can help. Because even if it's the same thing, the way you talk can change other people's perceptions and attitudes about it.

And lastly the most important thing is to focus on self-development. Find your passion and work for it every day. That will help you create your own value and still be able to contribute to society. You can be happy with your progress and the value you bring to the community without having to worry too much about becoming like someone. Everyone is a unique version with their own strengths, so we don't have to be someone or act like someone.

In short, peer pressure also has negative effects. So, to handle peer pressure, be strong to say “no” if you don't want to do something and focus on self-improvement. Because “Beauty begins the moment you decide to BE YOURSELF” (Coco Chanel).