Please review my essay in ielts writing task 2

Topic: It Is Important To Take Risks, Both In Their Profession Lives And Their Personal Lives. Does Advantage Outweight Disadvantage?

My answer:

Over the past few decades, an increasing number of people have had the predisposition to challenge themselves with newly added adventures in both their work and daily lives. This phenomenon may have negative consequences; however, I believe that engaging in risky activities would provide numerous benefits that outweighed the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it might be dangerous for individuals to take risks in their career as well as daily life. In terms of occupation, it is people’s income, profit, and interest that would be adversely affected when the company fails to obtain success stemming from taking risk. As a result, both employers and employees would be put under intolerable strain because of the corporation’s recession, lower salaries, and the potential to be fired. Regarding the disadvantages of taking risks in daily life, people may face certain unexpected accidents, deteriorating their mental and physical health. For instance, being involved in extreme sports such as racing, parachuting or sky-diving would enable people to suffer from long-term disease as well as mental breakdown.

On the other hand, participating in dangerous challenges would benefit people in their career paths and daily lives in many ways. First, people would be provided with many opportunities to acquire insightful knowledge and develop new life skills. To put it in another way, either failure or success while taking a risk would build people’s perseverance, ambition, and courage as well as assist them to gain valuable life experience. Moreover, it is the novelty that taking a risk would bring for individuals. As a matter of fact, trying unique and challenging activities would make people’s lives become colorful and bright in certain circumstances, leaving major and positive influences on their attitudes toward life.

In conclusion, encountering risky challenges might have deleterious impacts on human lives in working and living prospects. Nevertheless, from my perspective, its benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

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