Please review my essay: IELTS Writing task 2: Some people say that devoting one’s time to family activities is more important than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one’s time to work is more important. Discuss both these views...

It is a common belief that investing time in working is bringing people a range of benefits more than interacting with family. However, there is a more persuasive argument that spending time with family plays a vital role since it contributes to the well-being of the whole society.

On the one hand, it is necessary for humans to work so that their families will be financially ensured. Money shortage is seen as a primary factor leading to a high rate of divorce because virtually all domestic disputes stem from financial problems. This somehow proves why people dedicate most of their time doing 9-to-5 jobs on a daily basis. For example, many parents miss out on children’s events not as they are not interested in them, but it is a trade-off between livelihood and family priority. Thus, to increase the family’s living standards and reduce arguments among members of a family, working is a mandatory condition.

Nevertheless, I support the idea that family activities are of great importance and need to be prioritized owing to the fact that family time makes a huge contribution to the happiness of individuals and families. Family reunion helps lessen stressful work problems, being with family is the funniest and most relaxing time of the day. Research has shown that the more time people spend with family, the more delighted and content they feel, this also augments the spirit of employees in working environments. Therefore, it is extremely convincing that family is the crucial element to enhance collective happiness.

To sum up, although it is apparent that people cannot maintain a stiff family foundation without sacrificing their time for work, I firmly believe that family activities should be taken into account due to the profound advantages that they bring to each individual and community as well.