Please Review My Essay IELTS Writing Task 2 Obesity - Reasons / Solutions - Thanks a lot

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Obesity is a pressing issue that some populations are experiencing. This essay discusses the reasons for this and proposes some solutions to reduce the obesity rate.

One fundamental reason for the high obesity rate is due to the high intake of junk food, such as hamburgers, chips or fried chicken. Many people prefer takeaway meals containing a high content of salt and fat in the supermarket rather than healthy meals at home because of their convenience. For instance, in the UK, the sales of junk food have increased over the last few years because it is simple and easy to place online orders. Another cause of obesity is attributed to people’s sedentary lifestyle. Given the development of modern technology, instead of playing outdoor sports, people would seek to indulge in their favorite movies on TV or video games on the Internet. This often results in an enormous amount of redundant energy people have accumulated from junk food over time being transformed into fat.

One solution is for the government to put up the tax on unhealthy food. This would encourage consumers to abstain from junk food and start preparing food at home. In fact, the compounding costs of tax on top of the food itself would make people turn to alternatives, such as homecooked food. Another solution is children should be educated about how sports activities could facilitate the process of burning fat. Playing football, for example, helps them burn energy, keep fit, as well as revitalise their minds. The last solution is the government should ban the advertising of unhealthy food on the mass media, such as TV and the Internet. As children have not fully developed their rational judgements, they might not resist the urge to buy fast food products when stumbling upon the appealing images of them.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the issue of more people becoming obese is attributed to the settled life and the convenience of buying fast food, but hopefully, some tactics, such as tax imposition and prohibition on advertising fast food, would lead people to embrace healthy lifestyles.

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Which band score do you think this essay is at?