Please review my essay ( IELTS writing task 2)
Many teenagers now have their own smartphone.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.
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Smartphones are becoming increasingly common among teenagers. While some argue that these devices could help teenagers connect better with their friends and families, I believe that they can interfere with teenagers’ brains.
The main advantage of having a smartphone is that they could help teenagers stay connected to their loved ones. That is to say that smartphones are often connected to the Internet, which enables users to easily share information about where they are, what they are doing, or how they are feeling with their friends and families. As a result, they feel heard and less isolated. For example, a survey by The New York Times showed that only 9% of teenagers who owned a smartphone stated they were lonely while the figure was 28% for those who did not own one. However, I believe this could also make teenagers lose interest in face-to-face interactions, which is essential to form or maintain any healthy relationship in real life.
However, using a smartphone could interfere with teenagers’ brains. The reason is that smartphones were designed to be so addictive that teenagers’ brains constantly produce dopamine while using them, which makes people feel satisfied. As a result, teenagers keep craving for this hormone while doing other tasks, such as studying, and cannot concentrate on anything for a long time. This negative effect could lower their grades at school. For instance, a study by MIT found that students who used a smartphone before a test scored 9 points lower than those who did not. I believe this makes overusing smartphones very dangerous.
In conclusion, although owning a smartphone could help teenagers make better connections with their loved ones and feel less lonely, this could have negative effects on their brains and academic performances, and smartphones, therefore, should only be used in moderation.
Top answer
Smartphones are becoming increasingly common among teenagers. While some argue that these devices could help them teenagers connect better with their friends and families, I believe that they can do damage to interfere with teenagers’ brains. The main advantage of having a smartphone is that they could help teenagers stay in touch connected (You use the word "connect" repeatedly.
- Smartphones are becoming increasingly common among teenagers.
- While some argue that these devices could help them teenagers connect better with their friends and families, I believe that they can do damage to interfere with teenagers’ brains.
- The main advantage of having a smartphone is that they could help teenagers stay in touch connected (You use the word "connect" repeatedly.
- ) with to their loved ones.
- That is to say that smartphones are often connected to the Internet, which enables users them to easily share information about where they are, what they are doing, or how they are feeling with their friends and families.
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Smartphones are becoming increasingly common among teenagers. While some argue that these devices could help them teenagers connect better with their friends and families, I believe that they can do damage to interfere with teenagers’ brains.
The main advantage of having a
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