Please, review my Essay: Ielts Writing Task 2

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some believes individual's success depends largely on good fortune. This belief is completely flawed.

Successful people never attribute their success to pure luck. In fact, they strongly believe hardwork is the key contributing to their accomplishments. For example, Judd Trump, best snooker player recently, has shared with the media stream that he has praticed 12 hours a day without any break to attain his first world title. Even some of them has suffered from bad fortune since they were born. There are many well-known achievements by those people who born with congenital diseases or even limbs deficiency, and of course, their diligence says everything.

Another reason is that pure luck plays a limited role in one's successfulness. People may hear a number of lucky famlies winning a lottery by millions of dollars. However, they are minority and chances are they can not mantain their winning forever. Students in collegue have to study hard if they want to pass their upcoming exams. Since the questions are mostly multiple-choice type, it's almost impossible to obtain a high score by luck.

In conclusion, success is not about luck and good fortune. People need to be determined to follow their dreams till the end of life.

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I'm newbie, please kindly check my mistakes. What is the band of this essay? What should I do to improve? Thanks for your efforts.