Please review my essay.

Question

Discipline is an ever-increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing views about whether teachers or parents are responsible for instilling discipline in children. In my view, it should be a joint effort.

On the one hand, there are many reasons that justify why parents are accountable for disciplining their children. First, parents are the ones who brought a vulnerable human being into this world. Consequently, they have moral and legal duties to provide their child with basic needs for survival and to prepare them to enter the “real world” partly by imparting necessary qualities. One such is discipline, which helps children channel their efforts to essential goals and deter them from crime. Second, parents are likely to be the primary teachers, discipliners, and influencers of their children, as most children are under their sole supervision before going to school Parents teach children basic lay the foundation for their child’s development, therefore it seems reasonable that inculcating discipline into children should be their parents’ responsibility.

On the other hand, the argument that this duty should lie on schools also seems sensible. From age seven or earlier, children spend a large portion of their time in school, where they are out of reach of their parents and teachers are the only adults that can regulate their students’ behaviors. In addition, parents fork out their hard-earned money to send their children to school and thus expect it to foster a positive learning environment. One way that schools must do to achieve that is to establish a set of rules and to discipline students when they do not behave accordingly. For example, many teachers force noisy students to stand in the back of the classroom to prevent disrupting the whole class’s learning process. By this, students recognize that there are consequences for every undesirable behavior, thus promoting discipline.

In conclusion, parents have to instill discipline in their children to prepare them for the real world, and this is also the case for teachers as they need it to facilitate a conducive learning atmosphere. Also, parents lay the foundation that will greatly affect their child's development of discipline, while teachers complement their efforts in school. Hence, disciplining a child should be a shared responsibility.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote over 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.

Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

People have differing views about whether teachers or parents are responsible for correcting ~~instilling discipline in~~ children when they misbehave and teaching them to behave and respect others. In my view, it should be a joint effort.

On th

On the one hand, there are many reasons that justify why parents are accountable for teaching children manners and correct behavior. ~~disciplining their children~~. (wrong expression Discipline as a verb means to punish. That is not the task here.) First, parents are the ones who brought a their vulnerable human being into this world. Consequently, they have moral and legal duties to provide their child with basic needs for survival (That is not the task. Focus on the task; do not stray off-topic.) and to prepare them to enter society ~~the “real world”~~ partly by imparting necessary qualities. One such is self-discipline, which helps children channel their efforts to essential goals and deter them from crime. (That makes no sense. Discipline is more like obedience and rules of behavior. A child without self-discipline is out of control. They simply cannot behave at home or in the classroom. ) Second, parents are likely to be the primary teachers, discipliners, and influencers of their children, as most children are under their sole supervision before going to school Parents teach children basic (Basic is an adjective. Lay is a verb. This is not grammatical.) lay the foundation for their child’s development, (comma splice error) therefore it seems reasonable that inculcating self-discipline (Self-discipline is the ability to control one's own behavior. That is what you mean.) into children should be their parents’ responsibility.

On the other hand, the argument that this duty should lie on ~~schools~~ teachers also seems sensible. From age seven or earlier, (You mean babies that are not even walking or talking yet?) children spend a large portion of their time in school, where they are out of reach of their parents and teachers are the only adults that can regulate their students’ behaviors. In addition, parents fork out their hard-earned money to send their children to school and thus expect it to foster a positive learning environment. One way that schools must do to achieve that is to establish a set of rules and to discipline students when they do not behave accordingly. For example, many teachers force noisy students to stand in the back of the classroom to prevent disrupting the whole class’s learning process. By this, students recognize that there are consequences for every undesirable behavior, thus promoting discipline.

In conclusion, parents have to instill self-discipline in their children to prepare them for the real world, and this is also the case for teachers as they need it to facilitate a conducive learning atmosphere. Also, parents lay the foundation that will greatly affect their child's development ~~of discipline~~, (That does not make sense.) while teachers complement their efforts in school. Hence, disciplining a child should be a shared responsibility.

Please review my essay.

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions