Please Review My Essay.

IELTS writing task 2

13. Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

No dought that consuming too much junk food has a significant impact on people's health. However, It has been noticed that many people are increasingly consuming it. That raises questions about what should be done to tackle the problem and encourage people to adopt a healthy lifestyle. The first view says that this problem can simply be solved by educating people, while the second one believes that education alone will not work.

On the one hand, educating people would enlighten their minds about the advantages of eating healthy and disadvantages of eating junk food. Thus, they would figure out the negative effects of junk food on their bodies and would stop eating it accordingly. This can be done in various ways including spreading awareness through social media, organizing educational lectures in the community, and advertisements.

On the other hand, the second view adopters argue that the majority of the junk food consumers are, in fact, educators. They are open on social media and the internet; they do not lack knowledge or awareness. Therefore, education alone is not enough. We need further steps and practical procedures to tackle the problem such as doing what the WHO recommended. It recommended governments set nutrition criteria for food served and sold in public settings. This will increase the availability of healthy food. As a result, it will prevent or at least reduce diseases and deaths from the effects of consuming too much junk food.

I think that the solution should be a mix of those two views. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of spreading knowledge and awareness in society, and how to promote a healthy lifestyle. Even if many people know, it will be a reminder for them. Meanwhile, practical procedures such as setting nutrition criteria for food served and sold in public settings are absolutely necessary to make the solution effective in reality.

Notes:

-I think that on this topic, my view fits to be at the end. (Not in the beginning). Meanwhile, it fits to be a conclusion as well; that's why I haven't written a conclusion. If that's not good, please tell me.

Thank you