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Question

Topic: Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your opinions about the purpose of mass media. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer

My essay:

Nowadays, television, or can called mass media has a lot of programs about all industries such as news, advertising, entertainment, etc. One of all, we can see they appear most of the time, and they are entertainment programs.

First, we will talk about the news in mass media. Everyone knows, each country also has some channels for the news. They’re maybe information from policy, economic, education and overall view of this country, etc. I believe all of them are necessary for each human, they have to know anything about this country because it helps them have the knowledge to protect or work better.

Next, an indispensable part is advertising. Many people sometimes think they are very crazy and spend too much of their time watching the news or relaxing. But, a reason they don’t know that this advertisement has helped them a lot in their life. I have an example for this: Your family want to purchase a new car but don’t know what is a good car? how much to buy it? or where do you should choose?… You have a lot of questions and in another evening, you have seen an advertisement on TV and thought: “Yeah, this’s my car I want to have” Or in another case, due to the advertising you can know many promotions of store or chain store are taking place. In mass media, advertising will help both seller and buyer.

The last, I want to talk about entertainment programs. Now, there are a lot of programs such as extensive, comedy, sports, or talk shows,… on the TV. From children's programs to programs for the elderly, you just need to open your television and relax. You can choose the program that you like by choosing different channels to watch. Some channels always show Korean movies, Chinese movies, Indian movies, etc. There are lots of selections for relaxing. But it also some disadvantages you need to care about such as shouldn’t watch too much time if want good eyes. On the other hand, spending the time to complete many works before watching programs on television will be better.

Mass media has both cons and thus, therefore, we have to choose and watch selectively programs to avoid bad news or bad culture from the movies of another country screened.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Nowadays, television, or can called (incorrect) mass media has a lot of programs about all industries (incorrect) such as news, advertising, entertainment, etc. (Do not use "etc." in essays.) One of all, we can see they appear most of the time, and they are entertainment programs.

(I do not understand this. It is very bad English.

The task is to explain what the purpose of mass media is.

Your essay is off-topic. You explained what kinds of programs are on TV. You did not explain why mass media exists. - that is, its purpose or objectives.

Do not use contractions in formal writing.
Do not use "..."
Do not use "etc."

Your writing has a lot of mistakes. I highlight the mistakes in yellow.
You need to read the instructions. Focus on the task. Most of your essay is on different subjects. It is not focused on the topic.

First, we will talk about the news in mass media. (Off topic) Everyone knows, each country also has some channels for the news. They’re maybe information from policy, economic, education (Missing conjunction) and overall view of this country, etc. I believe all of them are necessary for each human, (wrong word. wrong punctuation. Comma splice.) they have to know anything (wrong word. ) about this country because it helps them have the knowledge to protect (wrong usage. ) or work better.

Next, an indispensable part is advertising. (Off topic) Many people sometimes think they are very crazy and spend too much of their time watching the news or relaxing. But, a reason they don’t know that this advertisement has helped them a lot in their life. I have an example for this: Your family want (wrong verb form) to purchase a new car but (missing subject) don’t know what is a good car? (wrong form of indirect question) how much to buy it? or where do you should choose?… You have a lot of questions and in another evening, you have seen an advertisement on TV and thought: “Yeah, this’s my car I want to have” Or in another case, due to the advertising you can know (wrong word) many promotions of store or chain store are taking place. In mass media, advertising will help both seller and buyer.

The last, (ungrammatical) I want to talk about entertainment programs. Now, there are a lot of programs such as extensive, (wrong word) comedy, sports, or talk shows,… on the TV. From children's programs to programs for the elderly, you just need to open (wrong word. You open a book. You turn the TV on.) your television and relax. You can choose the program that you like by ~~choosing~~ selecting among different channels to watch. Some channels always show Korean movies, Chinese movies, Indian movies, etc. There are lots of selections for relaxing. (This is all off-topic.) ~~But it also some disadvantages you need to care about such as shouldn’t watch too much time if want good eyes~~. (The task did not ask you to explain the advantages and disadvantages. Focus on the task.) On the other hand, spending the time to complete many works (That makes no sense. "Works" are novels or sculpture or paintings. Artists and writers take a very long time to complete a work of arg. ) before watching programs on television will be better.

Mass media has both cons (Off-topic) and thus, therefore, we have to choose and watch selectively programs to avoid bad news or bad culture (Off-topic) from the movies of another country ~~screened~~.

Here is an example of an essay on this topic in good, natural English. In the opening paragraph I describe two purposes of mass media. Then I give details in the two body paragraphs.

Television, also called mass media, broadcasts programs on many different subjects such as the news, documentaries, game and talk shows, drama, and sports. It also includes commercials in the programs. The main purpose of mass media is to attract a very large audience by entertaining and educating them, but a second purpose is to provide companies an effective way to market their products to consumers.

First, the purpose of mass media is to get as many people watching as possible. It does this by providing a wide range of programs that they are interested in. One example is the news. Since people want to know what is happening internationally, nationally, and locally, stations will have regular time slots several times a day for news, weather and sports. People can tune in and find out where the traffic jams are, what the weather will be, and also about current events, such as the latest results from the Olympic Games.

A second purpose is to give companies a good place to advertise their latest products. If the audience is large, businesses will pay a lot for air time for their commercials. This income pays the salaries and all the equipment of the TV stations, so they can make a profit, too. It can also be viewed as education by the individual viewers, since they want to be informed about different buying opportunities. A good example is the local car dealerships. They display the latest models of the cars, and inform potential buyers of the features and the prices. Thus, both businesses and customers are satisfied.

In conclusion, mass media is a business with the goal to attract a large number of viewers to which advertisers can sell their products and services.

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