Please review my essay

Question

Topic: The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years.

My essay:

The first bar chart illustrates changes in American marriages and divorces and the accompanying bar chart demonstrates the marital status among the adults in the US over a 30-year period starting from 1970.

In general, there was a significant decrease in the number of married inhabitants whereas the divorce rates varied dramatically over the period. Additionally, although the majority of American citizens were married in both years, there was a quite higher proportion of adults staying single in 2000.

In 1970 and 1980, 2.5 million people had a marriage life while the number of people breaking up increased dramatically, reaching the peak at approximately 1.5 million in 1980. The years from 1980 to the end of the century was characterized by a marginal decline in both marriage and divorce rates, 2 million and 1 million respectively in 2000.

Moving on to the second picture, the percentage of married American declined by 10% after 3 decades. Similarly, there was a slight fall when it comes to the widowed. In contrast, the percentage for never-married individuals and divorced couples rose significantly, by 5% and 8% respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The first bar chart illustrates changes in American marriages and divorces and the accompanying bar chart demonstrates the marital status among the adults in the US over a 30-year period starting from 1970.

Your descriptions are not accurate. Do not use "illustrate" or "demonstrate" for plots. You used it in your previous essay, too, remember? It is still wrong. Tell the reader exactly what values are plotted. This writing is for a university math professor, so you must be complete, accurate and precise in the descriptions.

It is a 30-year period, but it is not continuous in time. You must give the years for each bar chart because they are not the same. See my sample opening paragraph below.

In general, there was a significant decrease in the number of married inhabitants (wrong word) whereas the divorce rates (There are no divorce rates plotted. It is the number of divorces.) varied dramatically over the period. Additionally, although the majority of American citizens were married in both years, (You did not mention what these years are.) there was a quite higher proportion of single adults ~~staying single~~ in 2000.

In 1970 and 1980, 2.5 million people had a marriage life (wrong expression) while the number of people breaking up (wrong expression) increased dramatically, reaching ~~the~~ a peak at approximately 1.5 million in 1980. The years from 1980 to the end of the century was characterized by a marginal decline in both marriage and divorce rates, (wrong word - they are numbers, not rates. ) 2 million and 1 million respectively in 2000.

~~Moving on to the second picture,~~(wrong word - Delete this expression. It tells the reader nothing about the data.) the percentage of married American (wrong form) declined by (wrong usage -If you use "by" followed by a percentage, it is a proportion of the original value. In this case, it changed from 70% to 60%, it declined by 14%., since 14% of 70 is 10%. ) 10% between 1970 and 2000. ~~after 3 decades.~~ Similarly, there was a slight fall when it comes to the widowed. In contrast, the percentage for never-married individuals and divorced ~~couples~~ (wrong word - these are individuals, not couples.) rose significantly, by 5% and 8% respectively.

Sample opening paragraph:

The first bar chart plots the number of American marriages and divorces in 1970, 1980, 1990 and 2000. The second bar chart gives the percentage of American adults in each of four categories of marital status (never married, married, widowed and divorced) in 1970 and 2000.

Definition of "rate".

A demographic (related to population) statistic named "rate" is the number that occur in an average group, usually 1000 people.

For example, a birth rate is the number of live births per 1000 women of child-bearing age.

A divorce rate or marriage rate is the number of divorces or marriages in a group of 1000. (Of course it is not a particular group, but averaged over the whole country.)

Here is a plot of these rates in the US, compared to the numbers.

Here you see a plot that shows different values for the divorce rate, even though it is based on the same data set. The denominator is not per 1000 population, but per1000 married women.

Please review my essay

Topic: The charts below give information about USA marriage and divorce rates between 1970 and 2000, and the marital status of adult Americans in two of the years.

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