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Question: The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children.To what extent do you agree or disagree?In today's world, mobile phone has become norm practice to use it as part of essential needs in everyone's life. Having said that, a young children also obsessed with it and carrying it around everywhere with their parents knowledge and this is totally unacceptable. Therefore, I am firmly disagree that mobile phone is necessary for childrens.To start with, children these days are no more longer playing with simple plain toys and they would demand for mobile phone as it is attractive, has lively colors and images as well movements. But, they are not aware of the perilous that could cause because of mobile phone, it created distraction when they are deeply into it by not being with family member nor play with their siblings. On top of that, it also could reduce concerntration in their studies when they are into it all time. For an instance, when children go to school to study, their phone keeps beeping for incoming messages via facebook, twitter and any other social networks and they tends to check it time to time and therefore they unable to learn the teacher lessons and their studies performance will fall drastically.Moreover, parent's should play a major role by being stern and avoid their children to use a phone at this age. It is unnecessary for them to have it since they are still young and it is unsafe for their brain practically. Incase if parents are worried for their children status in school, they can always contact the school to ask further details and knowing they are safe landed in the school. Also, school principal should implement a new rules to banned mobile phones in the school appropriately and this would encourage children to focus on their studies and parents would be well-verse that rules need to be follow accordingly.To conclude this, it is not vital for each children to have mobile phone for their own, it is not necessary and they should venture into outdoor sports and gain some knowledge so that they can be healthy in physically and mentally.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You have not understood the topic, so most of your essay is off topic. You will lose a lot of points for task completion.

Also, you need to study vocabulary and phrases much more. Most of your writing is unnatural or ungrammatical. Especially you do not use articles (a, the, an) correctly.

I highlighted the text with errors, and gave some reasons for the error in italics, but only for the first two paragraphs.

You wrote nearly 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task completion or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on Task 1, and get a lower score there.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

ice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

In today's world, the mobile phone (The definite article is absolutely required. ) has become ~~norm practice to use it~~ (wrong expression) ~~as part of essential needs~~ a necessity in everyone's life. Having said that, a young children (Children is plural. The indefinite article is incorrect.) also obsessed with it and carrying it around everywhere with their parents knowledge (Ungrammatical clause. You have not included a main verb.) and this is totally unacceptable. Therefore, I am firmly disagree (Am disagree is an incorrect verb form). that mobile phone is necessary for childrens. (wrong form) (You have not addressed the topic adequately. It is about dangers people face every day. You have not mentioned anything about dangers or complexities. )

To start with, children these days are no more longer (wrong expression) playing with simple ~~plain~~ toys and they ~~would~~ demand for mobile phone (wrong expression ) as it is attractive, has lively colors and images as well movements. (wrong form) But, they are not aware of the perilous (wrong word. Perilous is an adjective. You cannot use it as a noun.) that could cause (wrong verb form) because of mobile phone, (wrong form, also comma splice error) it created distraction when they are deeply into it by not being with family member nor play with their siblings. On top of that, it also could reduce concerntration in their studies when they are into it all time. For an instance, when children go to school to study, their phone keeps beeping for incoming messages via facebook, twitter and any other social networks and they tends (wrong verb form) to check it time to time and therefore they unable to learn the teacher lessons and their studies performance will fall drastically.

Moreover, parent's should play a major role by being stern and avoid their children to use a phone at this age. It is unnecessary for them to have it since they are still young and it is unsafe for their brain practically. Incase if parents are worried for their children status in school, they can always contact the school to ask further details and knowing they are safe landed in the school. Also, school principal should implement a new rules to banned mobile phones in the school appropriately and this would encourage children to focus on their studies and parents would be well-verse that rules need to be follow accordingly.

To conclude this, it is not vital for each children to have mobile phone for their own, it is not necessary and they should venture into outdoor sports and gain some knowledge so that they can be healthy in physically and mentally.

Please review my essay.

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