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Yeganeh Posted 13 years ago
Letter Writing
Please review my essay
Hi,
Would you please review my essay? I meant it to be formal and academic. Please give me your hints, including your amendments, and your suggestions.
Televisions are undeniably parts of people's lives around the world, nowadays. Considering its broad usage, it has unavoidably a significant influence on human relations, including the communications among friends and families. Research conducted these recent years maintains two different approaches. One implies that it has considerably been helpful for human's relations and others claims the opposite. Despite all imaginable benefits for television, I am inclined to believe that it cause more harm than what that supposes to aid.
Initially, the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends. For instance, as regards wide range of television programs for wide range of viewers, every members of family intent to watch his or her type. Subsequently, it is rare to find a time to have common time together, unless all watch one program. In addition, it is hard for friends to stay at each others’ homes regularly, therefore, the time one allocates for friends significantly decreases.
Next, it is important to consider that what types of programs are appropriate for each person. Although there are categorizations in television programs for each age, one has to remember that the standards possibly are not the superior choices. For instance, even in animations there are instances that cause children to behave inappropriately with their friends or their parents, or use a language that is not acceptable.
Finally, television programs by replacing with normal human relations possibly harm people skills to communicate with each others, and the feedback tells that they should avoid communicating, unconsciously. Specially, at young ages, it teaches things that young ones must learn in a real world. They are taught some subjects on television, while they have no time to function them in outer space, and those unfinished lesson probably influence in reverse.
Needless to say, there are numerous advantages in television programs. However, I believe helping to improve human relations, specifically among the close ones, is not one of them. All in all, one must be careful to what extent he or she should spend in front of television, because it can unconsciously affect the manner of speaking and the way of behaving with others or affect their communication skills.
Would you please review my essay? I meant it to be formal and academic. Please give me your hints, including your amendments, and your suggestions.
Televisions are undeniably parts of people's lives around the world, nowadays. Considering its broad usage, it has unavoidably a significant influence on human relations, including the communications among friends and families. Research conducted these recent years maintains two different approaches. One implies that it has considerably been helpful for human's relations and others claims the opposite. Despite all imaginable benefits for television, I am inclined to believe that it cause more harm than what that supposes to aid.
Initially, the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends. For instance, as regards wide range of television programs for wide range of viewers, every members of family intent to watch his or her type. Subsequently, it is rare to find a time to have common time together, unless all watch one program. In addition, it is hard for friends to stay at each others’ homes regularly, therefore, the time one allocates for friends significantly decreases.
Next, it is important to consider that what types of programs are appropriate for each person. Although there are categorizations in television programs for each age, one has to remember that the standards possibly are not the superior choices. For instance, even in animations there are instances that cause children to behave inappropriately with their friends or their parents, or use a language that is not acceptable.
Finally, television programs by replacing with normal human relations possibly harm people skills to communicate with each others, and the feedback tells that they should avoid communicating, unconsciously. Specially, at young ages, it teaches things that young ones must learn in a real world. They are taught some subjects on television, while they have no time to function them in outer space, and those unfinished lesson probably influence in reverse.
Needless to say, there are numerous advantages in television programs. However, I believe helping to improve human relations, specifically among the close ones, is not one of them. All in all, one must be careful to what extent he or she should spend in front of television, because it can unconsciously affect the manner of speaking and the way of behaving with others or affect their communication skills.
Top answer
I think some of your word choices may be too formal or odd. g. the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends.
- I think some of your word choices may be too formal or odd.
- g.
- the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends.
- How about "we spend so much time watching TV that we may not have time for our friends or family"?
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2 Answers
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I think some of your word choices may be too formal or odd.
e.g. the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends.
How about "we spend so much time watching TV that we may not have time for our friends or family"?
e.g. the time we are spending to watch television is considerable, which can fill the space we meant to spend with our family or friends.
How about "we spend so much time watching TV that we may not have time for our friends or family"?
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Thank you, I'll consider that. But the purpose was writing formal. Only I don't know if I have chosen proper words to be formal enough or exceeding and fell down from the other side.
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