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Anonymous Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review my essay.



A myriad of colours.


The Singapore culture in the 1960's, before intensive industrialisation used to be as copious, as zestful and as diverse as a myriad of colours. Our multi racial society was an important basis that gave rise to such diversity in cultures and traditions. Our mindset then too played an imperative and crucial role as well.

Then, we were still deep rooted in our customs and traditions. People appreciated and understood the essence of special occassions such as Chinese New Year, Hari Raya and Vesak day.

Before the rapid sprouts of high-density, commercial buildings and large scale shopping centres, a delectable blend and fusion of cultural village neighbourhoods of winding, nestled, pot-holed roads in it's raw glory, undisturbed and not modified by urban resettlements and developements exuberated the area, making it a colourful sight! People reside in small, clustered but cozy shophouses. Families live closely and there was evident 'kampong-spirit'. Relationships between neighbours and different families were congenial and palsy-walsy! It can be compared to a house party.

The redolence of street hawker fare lingered in the air at every street, every turn. It was sheer ambrosia!

Children entertained themselves with self-composed chants and poems and played with simple games such as fivestones and marbles. This is a definite disparity from the highly mechanized toys children from our era indulge in.

This was the period where we experienced such cultural vibrancy. The people, the environment made up for it.

Singapore had a delightful palette of cultures and an environment as raw (but charming) as an unpolished rare jem.

However, Singapore, once of city of such cultural vibe, has been reduced to a place where traditional culture is clearly lacking. People just don't appreciate the significance of special occassions such as Chinese New Year anymore. It shows the pride we take in our roots. Instead, we glorify western ideals and cultures and remain indifferent to our own. We constantly try our utmost best to emulate the west. The supposedly most contemporary. We don't have a defining style anymore. The constant arrival of large shopping chains in an indication of the city's endless downward spiral into insufferable commercialism and radicle stupidity.

Our culture, once as delightful as a myriad of colours has vanquished. It is now a dull and toneless smear of grey.
  

Top answer

Some notes: The first sentence is not a complete sentence-- add an all-important comma after industrialization . Multiracial or multi-racial . Multi is not a word.

  • Some notes: The first sentence is not a complete sentence-- add an all-important comma after industrialization .
  • Multiracial or multi-racial .
  • Multi is not a word.
  • imperative and crucial is redundant.
  • Eliminate one of the words.
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1 Answers
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Some notes:

The first sentence is not a complete sentence-- add an all-important comma after industrialization.
Multiracial or multi-racial. Multi is not a word.
imperative and crucial is redundant. Eliminate one of the words.
deeply rooted
Vesak Day
use sprouting
large-scale
blend and fusio

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