Please review and mark my IELTS essay
Topic:
Labour-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices only make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
My essay: (303 words)
In this day and age, automated gadgets have played a vital role in easing human lives. While a sizable percentage of people hold a firm belief that these forms of technology reduce pressures on users, others have an opposite opinion. However, I am convinced with the latter point of view for its convenience lessening human's tension.
The primary justification is that high-tech gadgets serve as an assistance for humans to reduce pressure. This could be further explained by the fact that laborious tasks no longer put a great burden on people thanks to their advancements. Not only is less time taken to complete the job which allows people to freely enjoy their spare time, but these devices also play a vital role in protecting people from risky situations. It does mean in the computer age, users’ safety can be guaranteed, not to mention time optimized. To illustrate this, a recent study in the US university showed that 80% of households believed they are able to energize their physiques since most chores are supported by ultra-modern technologies in every field.
By stark contrast, the addition of users’ tension can be greatly attributed to demand for following to trend. As a matter of fact, various people cannot afford to purchase all mod cons, which is typically expensive. In other words, only when individuals try to keep up with others may they are put under high pressure to invest a fortune. To be more particular, there was a survey from Germany in 2018 polling over ten thousand people around the world. The majority of them claimed that they found it confusing to witness their neighbors buy something up-to-date.
In conclusion, although it is true to some that the use of modern tools is frustrating, I believe that these devices are beneficial to reduce strain on people due to their convenience and efficiency.
Top answer
Most of your essay was confusing and did not make much logical sense. Coherence and cohesion needs improvement as well as grammar and word choice. You need to write clearly with good (believable not exaggerated) examples.
- Most of your essay was confusing and did not make much logical sense.
- Coherence and cohesion needs improvement as well as grammar and word choice.
- You need to write clearly with good (believable not exaggerated) examples.
- Write about a home with a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner compared to a scrub bucket and a broom.
- For example, I used to sweep the floors in my house with a broom and dustpan.
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Most of your essay was confusing and did not make much logical sense. Coherence and cohesion needs improvement as well as grammar and word choice.
You need to write clearly with good (believable not exaggerated) examples. Write about a home with a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner compared to a scrub bucket and a broom.
For example, I used to sweep the floors in my house with a
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