Please review and grade my IELTS Writing Task 2

Topic: Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about methods by which illness can be dealt with. In my opinion, public money should be spent equally on the promotion of healthy lifestyle and the treatment of ill people.

On the one hand, everyone should be educated about how to practice and maintain a healthy way of life, especially from a young age. The government should use tax money efficiently by spending it on promoting a balanced diet and regular exercise. For instance, the authority can enforce more compulsory time for sport on school timetables. Additionally, annual conferences should be organized for experienced people to share and teach about how to keep fit physically and mentally. Living healthy can prevent unwanted illnesses, thus benefiting citizens as they do not have to spend a large amount of money going to the hospital. It is undeniable that healthy individuals can make the best contribution to the society.

On the other hand, it is the government responsibility to provide assistance for any member of its society, especially the sick ones. First, living unhealthily is not the only factor contributing to illness, as some people are innately prone to diseases. Furthermore, it is true that a number of illnesses such as cancer, asthma cannot be prevented nor treated by practicing a healthy diet and exercising regularly. Second, even though hospitals rely heavily on the government for money and resources, I think it would be immoral for doctors not to do everything in their power to treat ill people.

In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that the promotion of healthy lifestyle deserves more funding from the government, because I think that the treatment of ill people is equally important.

(280 words)