Please review and grade my essay.

Question

Topic: Which is more important when designing a building: its impact on the environment or its cost?My essay:Because of the population growth, the construction industry increases rapidly with the emergence of several designing buildings. However, construction raises concerns about impacts on the environment. For this reason, people believe that environmental protection is more important than the cost. This essay will explain why it should take priority when designing buildings.On the one hand, there is no doubt that buildings and developments play an essential role in creating several environmental issues. The biggest impact of construction on nature is air pollution and global warming, which is caused by burning fossil fuels. Numerous waste products and gas emissions of carbon dioxide are released while designing a building. Data claims that this industry accounts for 23% of air pollution and 50% of landfill waste. In addition, exploitation is another consequence of the architecture sector because half of its materials are non-renewable resources. According to the WorldWatch Institute, the sector consumes 40% of the world's raw stones, sand, as well as 25% of the world's wood each year. If this problem is not resolved, we will run out of a huge amount of natural resources. For this reason, environmental impacts of construction  are the most considerable problemsOn the other hand, eco-building has a huge amount of positive effects on the environment and our daily activities. First of all, eco-building gives a chance to diminish overconsumption of natural resources such as coal or natural gas. The key cause is that owners will utilize green energy which is made from renewable sources. For example, Vietnam is known as a tropical country with high temperatures and sunny weather. Consequently, solar panels are installed to generate energy for households and production. Moreover, the consumption of renewable energy is the improved solution to reduce our electricity bill and make a profit. One clear example is that several citizens sell solar power which they do not use to the grid in Ho Chi Minh City. Finally, environmentally friendly architectures are believed to have healthy influences on people living. Eco-buildings are made from natural materials and modern technology; thus, pollution and toxic chemical consumption will be reduced. Furthermore, when designing buildings, environmental considerations not only motivate individuals’ imagination but also diminish their depression. According to the BBC News, people working or living in green places have higher cognitive and happiness scores than others.In conclusion, construction should raise concerns about environmental problems instead of its cost because of several reasons. Firstly, designing buildings and developments instigate a large number of positive changes in the environment and each aspect in our daily lives such as economic and health.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote far over 400 words. The minimum for IELTS Task 2 is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270 - 290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Because of the population growth, the construction industry increases rapidly with the emergence of several designing buildings. (That makes no sense. It is very poor English. In fact the entire sentence is not good. ) However, construction raises concerns about impacts on the environment. For this reason, people believe (There are viewpoints in the task instructions. ) that environmental protection is more important than the cost. ~~This essay will explain why~~ Environmental considerations should take priority when designing buildings.

Do not mention your essay. Just write your thesis statement. The examiner knows you are writing an essay. You do not need to inform them of that.

Sample opening:

Many new buildings are in various stages of planning and construction. The architect of a new building has to make many trade-offs in the design stage, and an important consideration is total cost of construction versus a design which considers protecting the environment. These days, environmental considerations should outweigh those of cost.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that buildings and developments play an essential role in creating ~~several~~ environmental issues. The biggest impact of construction ~~on nature~~ is air pollution and global warming, which is caused by burning fossil fuels. Numerous waste products and gas emissions of carbon dioxide are released while designing a building. (That does not make sense. When an architect is sitting in his office and drawing diagrams of the new building, neither the building being designed nor its construction has any impact on the environment. ) Data ~~claims~~ shows that this industry (What industry are you referring to? ) accounts for 23% of air pollution and 50% of landfill waste. In addition, exploitation is another consequence of the architecture (wrong word - You are writing about the building process, not the architectural design) sector because half of its materials are non-renewable resources. According to the WorldWatch Institute, the sector consumes 40% of the world's ~~raw stones,~~ ("Raw stones" does not make sense. We do not cook stones.) sand, as well as 25% of the world's wood each year. If this problem is not resolved, we will run out of ~~a huge amount of~~ natural resources. For this reason, environmental impacts of construction can be ~~are the most~~ considerable. ~~problems~~

(I do not understand your point. If building construction is so wasteful, shouldn't we stop all construction projects? And how does that relate to the design or the cost of a building? This paragraph is mostly off-topic.)

On the other hand, (Wrong transition phrase. This pair is for completely opposite ideas. That is not applicable here.) eco-building can have ~~has a huge amount of~~ positive effects on the environment and our daily activities. First of all, eco-building gives a chance to diminish ~~over~~consumption of natural resources such as coal or natural gas. The key cause is that it ~~owners~~ will utilize green energy which is made from renewable sources. For example, Vietnam is known as a tropical country with high temperatures and sunny weather. Consequently, solar panels are installed to generate electricity ~~energy~~ for homes and offices. ~~households and production~~. Moreover, the consumption of renewable energy is the improved solution to reduce our electricity bill and make a profit. One clear example is that the electricity which is not used can be sold ~~several citizens sell solar power which they do not use~~ to the grid in Ho Chi Minh City.

(This paragraph also misses the mark. The task is about the design stage of a building, not buildings that already exist. )

Finally, environmentally friendly architectures are believed to have healthy influences on people living. (not a good phrase) Eco-buildings are made from natural materials and use / incorporate modern technology; thus, pollution and toxic chemical consumption will be reduced. Furthermore, when designing buildings, environmental considerations not only motivate individuals’ imagination but also diminish their depression. According to the BBC News, people working or living in green places have higher cognitive and happiness scores than others. (This is completely off-topic. It is not about the architects themselves.)

In conclusion, construction should raise concerns about environmental problems instead of its cost because of several reasons. (Off topic.) ~~Firstly~~, First designing buildings and developments instigate a large number of positive changes in the environment and each aspect in our daily lives such as economic and health.

Please review and grade my essay.

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